I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
