I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
