I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
