He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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