a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Is it because I queefed?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
