she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
