grandma shit on top of the toilet
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And then my night got REAL pukey
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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