i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
