Whod you bang
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
