No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
