Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
