mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
