First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
