I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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