He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
