why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
