Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
