Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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