I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im holly from the hills drunk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
