Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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