i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
