If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
