her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a search helicopter?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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