I faked an abortion last night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm bleeding and have questions
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
