I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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