Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
being pregnant is like rehab
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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