So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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