I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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