I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
