this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
