It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
