So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
