there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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