Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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