If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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