I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
