Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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