Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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