FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
