It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm bleeding and have questions
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
