Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
