I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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