I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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