remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
