Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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