eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
