What a fucking waste of an outfit
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
