What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
