literally had 100 drinks last night.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
