I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
