sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
