my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
